11:30AM - Wake up a lump. My sleeping in, am I wasting so much time? I had in my head to go to the station today and participate in record refiling but it's so windy, I'm not sure anymore. I guess it's easy to feel discouraged through when you just wake up. I'm making coffee and sitting in the kitchen and the 1 dollar I tried not to spend last night, I did on a coke at Tinas. Lots of singers. Marty, Carl, Andy, Jake, and I danced a lot, mostly in accompaniment to others karaoke time. I even removed my shoes. But still I shouldn't have spent that dollar.
I woke up after this really weird dream. I was in San Francisco but it looked nothing like it, It was night time and still any fan of my band in Cleveland was floating about. But later. I was taking their rail and kept ending up at the top of this one building, an old building where the door to the stop was a weird stone slab that would just de-materialize at the push of a button for you to get through. It was on this top floor and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust or ash. I figure I kept going back up this place that was deserted, though I don't know why. Things about it kept hanging. It was on a rooftop and doors would all of the sudden become inaccessible and one of these times the doors to the rail like some Jedi technology was no longer in service, The button wouldn't work. I was somewhat terrorfied thinkin I was trapped there, sealed in. the place had been abandonded so long, they finally shut down the stop everything was grey and I walked around in despair but all the sudden, light and the place was spik & span and some guy was showing around a small group of young adults who wanted to rent the place. The kitchen was all neat and modern, dark caramelly wood and black. But what comes to my attention and he acknowledges me is that one of the folk is Elijah under a wig. And he's laughing to me and owe are surprised to see each other. And I'm relieved because I'm not trapped. I don't know why he's in disguise but the place grows dark again from the spot by the rail door and my band is supposed to be playing this show to be recorded on this rooftop place. I'm alone by the rail door and in this corner where the ceiling gets lower there are rafters and such I find Sam. He's hung himself. And I feel like I've seen this before, found him like this before, but this time it's it and he's dead. He's killed himself and this becomes this whole tragic theme of our show. Sam is dead and gone and none of us knows what to do. The room is full of Cleveland people and color. I walk about so upset and traumatized after finding him. Alan and Hank call in some friend with white hair in a pony tail from another band who can sit in. I'm on the phone with Rachel Dratch, that old SNL comedian who is just more funny looking than funny. I don't know why. She lives with Gio and I'm trying to meet up with her but she's too cheap for the rail fare and keeps getting mad, but the band starts up. I have to hang up on her and probably look like a dipshit for being on my phone. I can barely hear the mic, What I do is end up turning it off so I can turn it back on. There is still mourning in the air and people sit about sad. I am getting in and out of a swimming pool telling Rachel Dratch to just forget it and we'll see each other next time, and she thinks I have a lover I'm with. Back in the performance room Sam's ghost shows up and people are asking him all kinds of questions. How does it feel and all. He says it feels great, he's super spaced out too. And then his ghost tries to buy weed off of somebody and everybody is in awe that you can still smoke weed when you're a ghost. Okay and then I'm a kid with my friends asking parents if we can run off to other tents at a carnival. Maybe because I watched an episode of the Babysitters Club on VHS before I went to bed. Doesn't explain to Sam's suicide though. It did make me want floral leggings, Head-And-Shoulders-shampoo-hair (That Maddy has recently bought because supposedly it's good for Bacne) and little Danny Tamberelli. I daydream that maybe Jackie looked a little like little cute orange-haired Danny when he was little, before he was breaking hearts and making
records.
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