March 25, 2012 Sunday

 1AM - I'm at Gio and Claudia's now in Oakland. I am alone now. There is ample couch space. But now I am alone and my deeds ring true. I don't know where they are. They wouldn't tell me. Only that they "found a place to stay". And I did cry on the car-ride over. It is so, I kicked them out of the car, but if you will, I'd say in somewhat of a "nice" way simply because I could have been a bigger douche about it. I did stick around. I did care. But it barely makes a difference. The way Maddy sobbed. It was as if she was admitting everything. Letting it all go. The kind of sob one thinks of in "I told you so"This was coming at some point as long as she continued in such a way. It was only a matter of time. 3 years in the making. But still I am alone, left to wonder what conditions they're in. And though they are counting on that fact I'm sure, spite alone cannot keep you warm and dry. I do not want them to end up hurt. And tht thought of them cold and wet in the night makes me sad. I can't say I didn't offer to "retake them in" but pride wouldn't let them. Pride at being bullheaded and rude I guess. It's so cold and wet out. I worry.

11AM - Breakfast. Oatmeal full of guilt with Claudia, Gio, Minnie, and other friend. Minnie has the same Joy Division T shirt I do. I share bottle of "Chameleon Cold Brew" Claudia has this voice. A real interesting character. Really smooth sounding and structured. Like an old church in a western world. Like a Celtic Knot.

12 Noon post - Gio works on some web design stuff for a few hours. We're trying to go on a bike ride in a little bit. The rain is clearing up finally. The sun's coming out. Shoes tied on a phone line. Gio's place is neat. It has a garage door that is open right now obscured by a red curtain blowing around. Lots of light in here. Another somewhat industrial space done up cool. I am jealous.

Daytime after. I awake to rotten 2am texts from Leo calling me a cunt and "Fuck you so much" that I left them in the middle of nowhere in the rain. That Maddy had been crying for an hour. I was shaking for while reading it honestly. What more could I have done? They didn't call, I would have got them. They didn't take my final offer. They lied to me about finding a place. It was hard enough leaving them in a coffee shop with wifi. A bunch of shits. What can you do for people so stubborn? They'd rather stew in their own piss. Or cold rain. If it was so bad they would have called. They had enough nerve to message me guilt tripping me about Maddy crying. After all of the times she's put me to tears that really doesn't phase me. She's smarter than that and not helpless. I'm convinced she knew exactly what she was doing the whole trip. She's all too well rehearsed. The nicest and most genuine she was the whole time was when she was drunk in the passenger seat on gin cocktails in Wyoming. Legal or not legal I was mad. But I gave them more rope. I'm going to try and put this away. Maybe a little elemental exposure was what they needed. Nothing I can do now.

San Fran is chilly. Colder than Cleveland! Crazy. Feels about the same it did before last year when I was here. The street outside on 61st and Lowell reminds me of LA. Tall grass and palms. The green paint chipping off the steps outside that I got lost staring at tearing up on the phone with dad. He's an angry man, but he is "within-reason-roadtrip-cheerleader". I made sure Iw as at my worst. This is the beginning of my April adventure. Gio and Claudia are going to take me to some kind of poetry reading tonight at a house with "snacks". Gio likes snacks. Claudia, whada girl. Head half pixie cut, tea drinker, gardener. She takes parts of peoples plants and sprouts them in her own pots. She has wooden boxes outside on the sidewalk. Her lettuce started sprouting today. Then she has some roses she stole from H ome Depot. Just picked them up walking to her car. I'd still like to get in touch with Annetta and Aaron & Veronique, maybe Alberto too! It's so exciting that I'll be seeing Ken & Angie Howard on Friday! This is my first time in Oakland/ It's disappointing to learn that there is really no way to ride a bike from here to San Fran. I guess I assumed it might be like Brooklyn to Manhattan with a pedestrian accessible bridge. You take the BART. Who knows how pricey that is though. Market to Daly City is pricey enough, I'd like to make it back to Haight St. and find the shop where I found those good Stabilo pens.

The New Kids on The Block sleeping bag is a chilly thing turns out. I had awful dreams. Not much worse than the reality of the night. The only feeling I can imagine was worse is the feeling of killing another person. Sickening. The cat Shelly slept at my feet on the bag. I woke to find him there. I crave fish tacos. I've been eating them for the past few days. I could put one away every day for the rest of my life and be into it. On the west coast, a staple!

Reno, Nevada was good for walking around by myself. Abandoning Leo and Carl to make their boxed macaroni and cheese with a microwave at a gas station. San Rafael Park. I climbed trees alone, the temperature was nice and it was sunny. There was a labyrinth garden that wasn't much of a labyrinth at all. I dried my shorts off in the sunlight and breeze draping them over my bike seat. Pretty effective. Popped a can of Red Bull Cola open. I found some at a gas station in Iowa or Nebraska and bought 5 of them. Best cola on earth. I had washed my shorts in the Saratoga hot springs in Wyoming the night before. They return as I'm trying to straighten things up around the car and start setting off firecrackers in Mandarin Oranges.

March 23, 2012 Friday

Salt Lake City, Utah. "Jack Mormon Coffee Company" and the worst iced coffee I've ever had. Ever the ass, me. Leo calls Claire every time we stop. They just borrowed a can opener to open cans of beans. Beans they did not cook in the hot springs of the Saratoga yesterday. Nope not even soy milk could save this coffee. We visited the temple of Mormon, although not the inside. Not unless you're mormon. Not any Space Jesus, we couldn't find him. Maddy and Carl stole little kids Mexican vests from the dance area in the Mormon church museum. 2 large screens with smiling people dancing.

We fight about every couple hours or so. Most of the time anything I have to add to the conversation gets me accused of arguing. It sucks pretty bad. At a Utah rest stop Maddy tells Leo something like "We'll go on another road trip and take as much time as we want and stop everywhere." I imagine I wouldn't be invited. And you know, it's just what I'm left to think with how they talk. I could never voice these things because of course I'm crazy. But let's see one of them fund a cross country car trip 80% of the way without feeling a little shitty. I don't know what will change. She crashed her car, so who knows when she'll get to know it from my end. I love them, and I hate to say it but it will just feel good to be alone when they leave. I'm constantly feeling left out and crapped on, and when you love somebody enough to invite them, to think of them for going on this adventure and they treat you like you're just a hinderance to their good time, geez, what else are you supposed to feel? It feels wretched. I'm worried about having money to get home, and to get myself to Portland from Los Angeles. I accused her of not having any empathy. She didn't appreciate it of course and reacted with sarcasm. I'll go 160 miles out of the way on a route she wanted to take so bad that she slept for most of it. Sick, or hung over from their Wyoming gin cocktails in the car. Which I suppose is legal in Wyoming, but I did not care for. At least they talked about more rounded things, like shared experiences. I figured they'd just get more obnoxious and disrespectful-spiteful. But no, I guess that's just a sober habit.

We're looking for a ghost town. This time of year I guess it's hard to see the Salt Flats anyway because of snow melt from the mountains. I hate to feel this way. And I feel so very. This coffee shop eats it. Maddy walked to get us samosas. I'm already thinking of Cleveland and regretful it will be so long now until I see Marty again. We're still not quite in the desert. This here mountains and plains. Snow. We slept in Green River in a fast food parking lot. None of them remembered how we got there.

March 22, 2012 Thursday

Pleasure Breakfasts at Sapp. Bros Coffee shop past Kearning not by far in Nebraska. A pioneer monument nearby. For breakfast I'm spending too much money already. Leo and Carl are taking forever in the bathroom, probably doing 3rd time-full-body-tick-checks. Watch yo money. It's an ipad party. They're dipping sesame sticks in their coffee and it smells worse than they do. The car smells rotten. You really have to get in and out of the car a couple times to tell. We stopped to sleep in the Camper lot outside "Motel" by a Pilot truck stop right maybe 30 miles back. It got really cold in the night and we only had 3 thin blankets. Leo and Carl left for an unknown amount of time last night as Maddy slept in the backseat, me in front. They come back with 25 cent hats, b-ball caps, a large bag of Skittles, 2 boxes of powdered detergent, and a change component from the laundromat that looked like a shoe/foot measurerer.. Shook it in our face. "Here's your sign!" Let those two go for a couple hours and they try and break into a Motel room, and vandalize the laundromat in the soggy-middle-of-nowhere-Nebraska-night. We couldn't even get a room, we had wanted to. Before midnight the office was already closed.

The dancing mechanical bears go to Justin Bieber. The Pizza Hut-plastic cups pulsate back and forth in their dispenser on the back counter. They have Spatula & Skillet awards. We're going to Future Mall at the Intergalactic Space Mart on some route in Wyoming. 210 Happy Jack Road. And Laramie 130. 530 McKinnon 414.

March 21, 2012 Wednesday

7:30 PM  - Between Omaha & Lincoln Nebraska, Just left the Holy Family monument. A giant church made of wood and glass. Really beautiful upon a hill. We stomped around. Carl tried to climb the giant crucifix made of metal. I fell in a hole. Driving away, I wondered how it must have looked from the freeway, Carl on that cross "God save me!". Tipping up rainbow lights. I hope I don't get the stigmata from those lambs ear leaves I took after Leo had already picked them.

We also stopped at "Freedom Rock" before we left the state of Iowa. Painted all patriotic with soldiers of different eras by a guy nicknamed "Bubba". It rained.

We stopped at a coffee/soda shop in La Claire on the Mississippi River. The best grape soda I've ever had. The balding eccentric behind the counter likes to decorate with items that would welcome everybody. Asian, Muslim, Whitey, a black angel. "People say I like weird things" He showed us a single bowl. H was amazed I knew what it was. Then a Korean street drum. "It looks like a gong, sounds like a gong, smells like a gong." Then he showed us these "Giant Rings". Back in the day from giants at a traveling circus. These rings are huge. He said you'd shake the hand and just pull them off. The giant would reach behind him and just put on another one. He refilled Carl's coffee and we took pictures of the gum collection under the counter built up over maybe 60 years! I think he liked us. He quoted Whitney Houston when he learned we liked music. An unexpected man.

March 20, 2012 Tuesday

On the road. 80 between Cleveland and Chicago. Maddy is driving looking whispy with her Lennon sun glasses and eating a giant carrot, Between 70 & 80 MPH. Over 200 miles from Chi-town. The boys in the back seat. She's driving namely because as if planned by the fates as I was about to get into the car on our street for us to leave and get Leo, a bug flew in my eye, Of course I panicked and whatever string of events bad luck or because I tried rubbing my eyes to get it out, my eye, right eye is scratched. It's so painful. I'm sitting here, right eye closed under a pair of super dark lenses, knock off Ray-Bans. "Merckins" like the pube toupee. I'm hoping that keeping it closed and relaxed for an hour or more will help the scratch go away. Now and then it breaks out in uncontrollable tears. You know I just can't believe how that would happen literally moments before take off. Sucks. Just my luck that such a debilitating thing would happen to my eyes of all things. But I'm trying my best to overcome it. Man, I'm just not interested in this ruining the drive for me, even though it's damn trying too. Like Mono in 2011, I shall overcome.It's some effort trying to keep it closed. I could be like Nadine on Twin Peaks. Get an eye patch. Duncan from Canada likes the way Maddy looks when she drives. It hurts to even try and turn around and see whatever dumb shit Leo and Carl are up to. The dynamic is funny though, how it switches for whoever is driving. Either way Leo is trying to distract by poking or shoving carrots or grapes in your mouth. Maddy at this time even she yells and gets upset at being distracted. No understanding though. Really no understanding still. But we'll see. God I hope my eye gets better.

Past 10PM - "Coffee Shop" in Chicago. Rodney something. Eating goat cheese sandwiches. I'm on edge. My head hurts pretty bad, my eye looks worse and worse. Although it doesn't feel as bad. The headache is worse than the eye pain. We're ready to get back on the road. With all of the pain I'm in I'm not so sure how much driving I have left in me tonight. The eye does burn and keeps watering. My face is sometimes sopping. The redness is crazy. Leo and Carl are off somewhere drinking in an alley. We had a bit of time at Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore Park. Pretty beautiful place. Lake Michigan. "Dune Man" Races.We even explored this abandoned house. It was on a lean on a little hillside. Lots of beds upturned, mattresses and foam. Huge Hellman's Mayonaise jars I was tempted to take for kombucha purposes. But I didn't want to end up with some kind of Indiana woodsman stigmata or anything. Newspapers lying around were dated for July of 2001. Almost 11 years. Had it really been sitting empty so long? It was hard to believe. The area has to get hit with snow. That it all was in such good shape makes it a mystery to me. Leo started finding ticks on his legs so we got the hell outta there. Maddy got a nasty splinter in her hand from this weird wheeled carriage that Carl pulled her down a dune on. Found it underneath the house. In such an odd state that place was. Chicago has been awkward walking side walks far behind everybody after we met up with Chance Walker. Could barely find a grocery that was open. and now we're separated. I'm not looking forward to the challenge of finding a place to sleep tonight. Maddy wants to camp out somewhere near the Mississippi River. Ah boy. Saying goodbye to Marty was rough. What a sweet guy.

I think Jackie got his package yesterday. I got a message saying "Phillipa, thanks for the stuffs! Lots of love!" It was nice to wake up to in the middle of the night. One night ago we were making burritos with Jam and Marty. No going back now. Not for a while now. Off to San Francisco. F-ing eye. The worst. No longer with Dad's nice pen. It kept coming apart. This one smudges pretty awful. Gonna pop another Aleve. The water from the bathroom in here tastes like hose water. Water out of that mason jar has tasted like that all day.

I have to think about making another tape of my stuff. Met a kid the other night at Beau Animale with the others playing from Baltimore. His name was Tadd.

March 18, 2012 Sunday

"I love the look of swept carpet" I say in the noon hour at Carl and Marty's. "I guess I never noticed" says Jake. I figure probably most people never notice. But after 3 + years working in movie theatres, throwing in some usher work it almost becomes a sort of art form. Vacuuming is similar too, seeing the flow of the carpet change direction and the light hit it differently. Dark and sheen like, though not Charley Sheen. Then dull and brighter. Stripes as you pull the thing. That has given me a thrill since I was little. Though I haven't ran a vacuum in years. Carpet doesn't play much of a role in my life anymore, and it's almongst the many things we don't have in our house. A Vacuum. Sweeping the carpet is just more fulfilling. Silly string and "chocolate stains" everywhere after a night of Thin Lizzy St. Patrick's Day celebrations. "Pin The Chocolate Stain On The Pants". Marty's mom comments to Jake "You went to the same grade school as Marty". Marty says "Then he went to Holy Name where he actually got to talk to girls", "No I just looked at them", Jake replies. "Socks everywhere, that's how you know it's been a party" but I'm in tights requiring no socks. Maddy took off yesterday around noon to New York City with that Framework band. Not quite falling in love with any of them of what I'm aware, but yet enough of a spontaneous appeal to have her write or more text her Dear John leter to Jo Jos before her 6:30 AM shift. Then last call Leo calls ablazen with anger at her arrival on his last night with Claire. Poor Leo. Oh Maddy, you missed crayons down Chubby's crack so you could cry in a New York City bar.

3PM - To clean out my car in Shepard's driveway as he attaches my new mismatched colored-passenger mirror. My garbage and junk say these things to me:

The Green Belt - One of many clothing items loaded to Maddy, has retired in the car for months now.

Several Messy Take-Out Containers  - One filled with blue paint water.

Vintage Boy Scouts Handbook - You never can be too prepared.

Golden Corral Thermos - Transfered from Dad's Mazda to the Camry' in Jan. 2012. It is red.

Bag of Acrylic Paint - Been in car since May 2011 working on radio station Hacienda Party.

Wasted Roll of Paper Towels - Vastly saturated with god knows what. Most likely toddy from any number of leaks and spills maybe as far back as summer of 2010  on the 101. Perpetuated by Granger's feet.

Plastic Tupper-Bowl - Left by Tino in October 2011. His Yerba Mate bowl for stop in Mystic, Connecticut. Too strong! On our way back from awkward Barista conference in Providence.

Crumpled Paper Print outs - From American Airlines Flight from Los Angeles to Richmond, VA.

Napkins, Worn & Dried Up Pages of Atlas, Take out Silverware

an MKE 400 "Sennheiser" microphone accessory for a video camera manual left in Camry October 2011 by one of Robin's friends we picked up in Brooklyn on our way from NYC to Jamaica Plain, Mass for that Pink House Family tour. It's mostly in German. The kid was filming the tour. I hope he doesn't miss it too much.

Paper Takeout Menu from Canter's Deli 24 hour on Fairfax in Hollywood, CA found home here in Jan. 2012. Late night meet with Toulouse and Valerie in Mazda. I kept it.

In Cuyahoga Falls with Shepard, we've come to his favorite bar "Johnny Biggs,". He says the Philly Cheese steak is excellent. Stevie Wonder plays on the radio. Everybody knows his name. I'm introduced as "His cousin" funny.

After 9PM - Beau Animale. Probably the last time I'll be in this place before it becomes a taco joint. From a message Stan sent me earlier it sounds like Jackie is supposed to be in town and play. I brought him this Jane Child Record but he ain't here. I wonder where he's coming from. And great news, Maddy's ticket from Pittsburgh to Cleveland is overbooked and she's going to be stuck in Pittsburgh. I guess it looks like she'll have to buy a greyhound ticket and hop on with Leo. Leo gets his out of NYC at midnight. I'm sure it will pass through Pitts. She hasn't gone into detail about it yet.

Just got a call from Toulouse in Los Angeles! Neat. He likes my "Science Will Find A Way" track. He says he thinks it's the best so far. He said him and Valerie broke up a couple of months ago. Too bad, How can you know those things about some people? Valerie didn't say anything when we talked a couple weeks ago. Biff Hanes walks in. Damn I forgot his double mix tape he left at the house. Manny Moore and Granger walk in. Alvin wants to watch Martin Scorceese's "After Hours". Haven't seen a trace of Dante yet. Henry lounges with his locks on the couch. This droney vocals dude named Jerimiah "Scares" from Baltimore with a loop pedal moans away. I like the sounds coming out of his guitar, they're ambient and fuzzy. I hope Jackie will play. There's something like nothing else which takes you over when he's up there head up and down, strawberry blonde halo moving his hand and arm over those strings.

This morning was nice. Slowly waking to birds. We fell asleep to birds in "The Blue Hour". Dammit people are so hot and cold. Marty and I sharing a spot practically, our hands both petting Suzy in the dark. I actually feel a little uncomfortable about it in retrospect. It just seemed a little odd. He lay on the floor by the couch I was on. I had my head and hand on Suzy. Our feets were all on the automan. He had his hand I'm sure uncomfortably so on Suzy too outstretched above. And I just well ... I like Marty so I thought it was cute, but now I feel a bit awkward like maybe I did something wrong. But we did, him, Jake and I make it to St. Sebastian's on 65th for post-service donut and coffee. Hafta do it more often.

Jackie never comes.

March 15, 2012 Thursday

Afternoon with Dad and John before they head off back to Richmond. They're in the "Louisville" bat store on 25th. Passing it walking inside, I should have predicted what would happen. The owner comes back inside and the 2 of them get off to talking about sports, Babe Ruth. Reproducing bats. I can hear the owner raising his voice inside passionately about his craft. He makes baseball bats, stains, or paints them personalized engraving or one of the many liquor logo or bad dad music engraved bats to choose from. Not to completely discount dad music of course. I like The Beatles, The Who, Van Morrison, I just think that for now, for me, they're a little boring in comparison to my latest discoveries. In fact, I love The Beatles. So I sit outside on drizzled sidewalk wondering if he'll ever come out. I need to get to painting. Maddy, Granger and I might go see an Eric Rohmer film at the Cinemateque later.

--So Dad's gone. I probably won't see John Q again for another 5 years. All is okay. John is a sweet guy I think, even if we are drastically different culturally. We can both laugh at 30 Rock. Even if he chooses to wide-eye to Benny about how guys were rubbing each other's shoulders last night at Richard's apartment down the street from mom on 44th. Pierre in fact getting a back massage. "I told your dad, I said you wouldn't be seeing any of that down in Georgia!" Hah, North Georgia, Calhoun and Ringold, no, I imagine probably not. But what about Atlanta, Savannah? Elton John even owns property there, or at least he did in the 90s. He ditched an old complicated female friend he might have met up with on W.6th street. The answers in the question! And he hung out with Marty, Maddy, Carl, Pierre, and I at Richard Abelman's very cool post-bachelor degree-just-moved-back-from-Chicago apartment. Nice appliances, framed posters and art, and complete with Ikea furniture and a suede feeling sofa. Yup, that was Luke Reynolds alright, straight out of Oberlin, but he was moving TO Chicago instead. Last I heard one of his last roommates boyfriends threatened to kill him, and he was hiding out. But Richard's... A different scene to John I'm sure. Kids sitting around massaging each other with cheap beer watching youtube videos of Cleveland's own Herbert Shelty, the hand snapping sensation I learn appearing on Arsenio Hall and German talk shows in the 90s, when he had hair on Marty's cell phone.

Pierre tells me I look elven, Lord Of the Rings style. The dork in me secretly took it as a super-compliment but still weird. A comment straight out of left field, however it brought up up me referencing buying that Arwen "Evenstar" necklace in junior high with money collected at the lunch table in a styrofoam cup. My idea was to scrounge for left over lunch money quarters, but Lizzie Chambers, the bi-curious of this bunch of friends enjoyed going about and selling a sob story about my mom having some illness or something. It's really more horrible to hear about than it sounds in my head. So sorry mom. John Q of course repeated this to dad apparently, who then brings it up today in the car. Man shame on me. He violently speaks in terms of what he would have done if kids said things about his Japanese mother. I do not take responsibility entirely for 8th grade doings anymore, not one of my finer moments. So dad goes and leaves me hopeful for "On The Road" movie which has an official trailer now and it's good. I'm psyched for the Thomas Newman sounding soundtrack. And also leaves me sad for the big blow up with mom I had yesterday, which caused her to retreat herself to her room. It was something I said of course, isn't it always? I'm not my mother or my father. I'm something quite different and trying to remain understandable to them, us, to each other can be very tough sometimes. I worry for their efforts of getting back together. It will be disappointing to me if it does not work out for them. Every deserted-feeling-child's fantasy, parents getting back together. I'm prepared, but I can't pretend not to be changed by these ideas. I will see Dad in San Francisco.

I move things around my dresser trying to clean and make sense touching several things that aren't exactly useful or mandatory. Empty lotion bottle, zipper pouch, receipts old, rubber bands, junk, and I restraighten this little area where I keep a few perfumes I have. There's the ever-present "Maybe, Baby" Shelby gave me for my 18th birthday in New Orleans. Not to mention several neat old shades of red lipsticks in vintage/antique 1940s/30s containers mom gave me, one 90s one from Grandma Michiko. Then I focus on these two miniature perfumes. Setting them upright again. "Este Lauder Private Collction" and "Odalisque". Mom bought them because they were two her mother, Grandma Diana wore. Mom even put some of an old bottle of Odalisque on when she was visiting her papa, Grandpa Sal in the nursing home to remind him. I feel a little sad mom gave them to me so as to have something of my grandmother Diana. But I never knew her. Died in the 70s. And that part of mom, their relationship I've heard in stories, but I can never truly know. Mom remains a mystery. But a mystery with a scent. the scent is those 2 little bottles on my dresser. Memories I don't have, but scents of a ghost that I do. Like blindness, it's bittersweet.

Around Midnight - I recorded live drums to "Science Will Find A Way". Cleaning house for show tomorrow, we listened to Life Preserver and as if summoning him, I heard from Jackie. We maybe able to see each other on some of my last few days in Portland. "Clean on.." He says. Maddy and I biked out to the Cinemateque for a 6:45 movie. "The 4 Adventures of Reinette & Mirabelle" So Maddy thinks it's called. Killer soundtracks. Made in '86. Perfect. Rohmer used Elli & Jacno in "Les Nuits De La Pleine Lune" He has taste! His movies all look like music videos by Nigel Dick, of fashionable French moody people doing very normal things. Mirabelle & Reineette are 2 early 20-something/late teens going from meeting in the country in the spirit of mutual mystical minds, the "blue hour" and end up living in a Paris flat together. The whole time I'm going back and forth trying to decide in my typical girl -fashion who of the 2 on screen are most like Maddy and I. Fashion-wise maybe I'm more like Ms. Mirabelle and vice versa. However I would not agree with Maddy that I would be less like her in the beliefs she has stemming from her ethnology side. I would rather as well get a kick out of aiding a petty shop-lifter. At least in a grocery store my morals are not so dictatived. But no use trying to argue a point like that especially with Maddy. How funny, how perfect us on a date like that to see a movie about our French counter-parts. And I get so tied up and hypnotized, hugged by the language that exiting the auditorium anything I want to say I want to be in French, but of course I don't speak it. Only now and then some words seem to become more familiar, So we bike home on Euclid, spouting girly wishes and childlike fantasies of French things. Speaking it, moving there, buying the church for sale on Euclid. I start singing a song to myself to the tune of "Lonely Guys" by Pas De Deux.

                "If I had a lot of money in Cleveland, Ohio
                 I would buy, I would buy
                 I would buy myself a church and a life-time supply of pastel shoes and a ____ guy."

Oh help me. I won the Cinemateque raffle with 7080. A 5 dollar ticket for the University Circle Coffee shop. Formerly Arabica. Lucky day!