So we survived. For now. In dad's apartment. Last night pretty low-key after Charlie & Lena dropped us off. Dad did a lot of facebook stuff. Compensating for lost time. I went though his movies setting aside ones I wanted to watch; "The Misfits", "Diner", "The Doors", "Mulhulland Dr.", "Heartbeat", "Four Rooms", "Chinatown". Watched "The Misfits", looked through dad's book filled with pictures from it. It really is a remarkable movie. I haven't seen all of Marilyn Monroe's movies, but none of what I've seen quite captures her for the vulnerable person she was and this does. In that book, I think Arthur Miller wrote, that "The Misfits" was the most autobiographical film she ever did. I read through that Goddess book Daryl gave me up in the air yesterday. So far it's just kind of analyzing her and her relationships, her family origins, how she came to be who she was. Lies she may have told. I liked something it quoted her saying. Something like " I used to think I was losing it until I found out so many of my heroes were like this." I recall some poster in Mr. Ham's (guidance counselor at Westlake High ) Office freshman year, 2004 - 2005 , it said "People with mental illness enrich our lives" with pictures of several well known actors, artists, etc. The only one I remember at the moment is Vivien Lee. Biographies are good to read. It's insight if you like or are interested in getting to know other people, it's good practice, and comforting to learn of people who share a lot of experiences, especially with yourself.
5 pm - Golden Corral. Dad sits for a couple minutes and inhales a steak or seomthing that looks like a steak. Last I was here I met an older couple, reaching 70s. Named Duddley & Sherilyn. Both wearing purple. Said he couldn't leave the house unless they matched. I said they were like a band. Sherilyn had great curly hair. Looked like she could have been playing at the Grand Ole' Opry in Nashville. She had the look that makes you know she had to have been drop dead gorgeous when she was my age. I don't know how we got onto the subject, but she told me about her twin. She had an identical twin who passed away 3 years ago. Oh yes, we had been talking about "good health" practices. She said her twin had it so rough. They were in the hospital for a couple months when they were born. The were the size of Barbie dolls. I asked her about that twin connection, if she had one or not. She said yes indeed. They'd only been living across town from each other, but Sherilyn said she would know when she was sick. Finishing sentences, the whole deal. Their birthdays were the day after July 4th. I think, Sherilyn said they were in the hospital with her sister. They had the windows open and were celebrating Independence day. Having so much fun, partying and I guess between her and the doctors they think before she went to sleep that night that was the last time she was able to recognize any of her family. I can't remember what Sherilyn said her condition was. It was a good sad story. It made me feel so happy that she had Duddley. What looked like such a loving and fun companionship. It'll be interesting if I ever see, get to live to see any of my friends who are in good relationships now take that with them into old age.
10 pm - Dad's apartment. Still OD-ing on Marilyn Monroe nostalgia. Watched the biopic movie made in the 90s. I remember watching it when it came out down in Alabama. Mom was watching it. I didn't remember everything about it however. Odd movie. I mean, odd person, but after the little bit of the "Goddess" book I've read, the film seems to be just a bit unsympathetic. It seems maybe to really play up the untruths, but I really haven't read too much of the book yet. So we'll just see how well they play into one another.
I don't know if I'll go back to the Path Cafe to work when I get home. That frightened me so much last month. But the idea doesn't scare me so much right now, even though I've been rather not smart with my money. I'm just losing hope for the place to fulfill me. I don't mean perform any miracles, but I at least want to preserve some mental health. I can't put too much time into a place like that. It's accomplishing nothing for me in a positive sustainable way. It's a paycheck. But Jesus, there has to be a better way for me to support myself. Just has to, There were mural jobs I could have taken last fall. Maybe I could try that. Put more time and effort into Etsy. Perhaps come up with a new idea all together. I just know that shucking quality coffee for pretentious people of Driftwood, Ohio is compromising too much of my time, energy and out-look on life. It's making me bitter, and it's making me cry. I have to get out before it's too late. I just need to try and maintain a savings. I'd be uncomfortable to lose it.
I don't know how people, some people do it, not do anything, have nothing but days off. guess one could educate themselves quite well that way. I think I would get fatter. I find myself wanting food, but I don't think I'm hungry. It's just a thing. Dad's house is full of stimulus. You just have to lift your fingers. Cats, books, movies, I would once, sit on the floor and paint on jackets and watch familiar movies that I love. Because I can't preoccupy myself with other things if I've never seen the film I'm watching. There's too much to pay attention to, lighting, photography, the actor's face, locations, props, dialogue, everything! To avert your eyes is to ignore hours and hours and days maybe years of effort that the artist or artists put into the picture. and before jackets, t was collaging boxes or scrap pieces of cardboard. Not sitting still.
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