March 13, 2012 Tuesday

Something like a year ago happened my great bit Amtrak fiasco with J. Dante at the end. The weather is insanely premature Spring. Just a sweater as I biked to Tap & Brew to paint. I have a lot done. I'm hoping I can finish in maybe just a few short sessions. Dad is in town and I want to spend some time with him. He has ole' Applebee's co-worker John Q with him. Funny how he picks up thest tragglers on trips sometimes. I haven't seen John since 2007. We would chase each other around Applebee's, Calhoun, with cleaner spray bottles. Closing time could be really fun around that place. So he literally quit his job there, not that it isn't about time, and came with dad. Trying to assess his life or soemthing going all of the way back to Richmond. Quit on a moments notice. He claims though, being drunken on Appletinis he was telling everybody he was moving to Virginia. He sits online creating a fantasy baseball league and I sit under a sputnik lamp in mom's dining room. I dubbed "Two For The Road" for my show Thursday. My last show for a while, better enjoy it, me and in the spirit of car travels, I thought, a great film, Stanley Donen. Although it should really be "Four For The Road" because not only Maddy and Carl, but Leo is bussing back from NYC on the 19th to come too! Honest to goodness it's the absolute ultimate! Man the four of us on Highway 80 across the country! Man it's been a fantasy since we were just wee "Lads From Liverpool" and I miss Leo! I'm so happy I'm going to have them all with me! I only with I could ride with them back. That train ride will sure be a hoot for them all! Lots of cardboard black bean burgers. I wonder where Carl is in "selling all of his records"? Mom mailed for me today 2 packages. She still has the white tree lit up like Who-ville.

I'm trying to have to have a rough listening version of "Science Will Find A Way" before we set out saying as how I probably won't be recording any music while I'm gone. The song has really transformed from my original direction. Where I thought it would go. Not super electronic in fact, lots of guitars layering with echo, flanger and tremolo. Trying to maybe channel Jackie Dante a little bit. Some of those picking and palm muted sounds really translating through the effects. I more closely identify some of his tracks. To be able to semi-duplicate his guitar sound is kind of neat. I didn't intentionally at first, but it makes it more moody and organic I think. Not that the synths aren't organic, but it seems nothing I can add to the mix with any manual arpeggiation or whatnot is making it sound any better. I want it to feel absolutely right. And being that in some, my own vague kind of way the song is inspired by some of him, how only appropriate that something like his guitar sound is in here. My hands ache from playing. Doing retakes is a major strain! I'm even toying with adding lives drums over the drum machine. Total Valley-Girl-Hollywood-dark-bar-rock. Uh - oh.

Maddy busies herself with several pre-road trip activities I know her to do. Preparing, hoping for shorts weather, she scopes Unique and grabs up a lime green denim pair of high-waisted "Sassoon"brand shorts. An over-sized-sleeveless-crooked-print t shirt. Yes, the trip to Unique. Planning routes. Over planning without me. With more time and internet access. Fearing my parents will make me paranoid. I claim full responsibility for my own paranoia thanks. No thanks to them. Give me some credit here. She cuts up shorts with me. Self-consciously looks in the mirror with me. Not that it's a pre-road trip thing necessarily. I have a lot to get in order clothes, books, notebooks, ideas. Maybe a last trip to Unique. But I should stay the hell away.

March 11, 2012 Sunday

At Carl's 10PM - Carl on phone trying to convince Leo to come across country with us. Carl's going to come too! So Maddy Carl and I will be driving out the 20th, Tuesday, that's in about a week. They're going to train it back. Maddy's fighting with me about the bus from San Francisco to Emeryville like it's some awful inconvenience and making me feel shitty for no reason. Not much point in thinking too much about it. She just wants to complain about something, feel in the know. Not that I didn't take that exact trip. That 20 minute ride. Ahhhh! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

Carl came with me to Selena Webster's birthday party at the Ocean Park Wine Bar last night. Maddy went with Pierre to a contra-dance. Selena's had an open bar. Carl really enjoyed this. I tried to but kept striking out with over liquored soda drinks. Girl-drink-drunk. Carl's goal was to try every beer on the list. Mom showed up too and seemed to get real nice and social like. Trying to convince me I'd enjoy a rum and coke. The DJ wasn't good but played us some Paula Abdul and Bobby Brown. We got to try out moves and groove to the sights of some Ohio City parents and Non profit workers. I stripped Elijah of his blazer and put it on. Even mom was dancing. I can't deny I don't enjoy somewhat the looks people give me when I dance around. Parents, peers, whoever. Disgusted, dazzled, girl in unflattering pants looks like she's drunk. Who knows. But I get a thrill and it feels good. And I love dancing with Carl.

March 9, 2012 Friday

25 cents a play at Steve's Lunch. They want Tom Petty/Conway Twitty, not Maroon 5. They get Randy Ravis. "Hey Yeah Instrumental" was a lucky shot for Tony once. JC cello kid from Buffalo who looks like Bud Hall also here. Touring together in a newish Volvo. Perogies, coffee with cream. It's good to get a paycheck sometimes. Talking about the chubby black guy who works at the w.65 post office who hums smooth jazz. Looking at my NYC package that I drew a crappy cartoon of the Chrysler building onto with he says "This package is going to New York!"

Maddy gets a sausage-tastic skillet, farmers skillet so good smelling. Skillet for Tony. Rye toast.

March 8, 2012 Thursday

Past 1AM - "Your pony tail isn't stupid Pierre!" Yup that tall dark and dirty blonde and beautiful man is back in town with a funny haircut. I am not much joining in in the festivities going on outside my door. I am listening to Deutsche Wertarbeit and trying to pick stuff for the show tomorrow. Ms. Dorothy Roaske something or another. Beautiful. I went soundtrack crazy tonight. John Barry from Nicolas Roeg's "Walkabout" that at times sounded like Giorgio Moroder from the Neverending Story, Richard Bellis from Stephen King's "It". Thuds upon thuds go on out in the living room. I guess they are probably drunk wrestling. Maddy says in drunkenness outside the door. Pierre makes me dance with him to this song, Country Banjo song his dad used to play him. Made me nervous. I felt so dorky bashful about it. He was good too. Taking my hand and everything and as John Hurley says goodbye to me in my front yard he hugs so long I almost have flashbacks. But goes further into picking me up and trying to spin around and be "dramatic" as he said we fall and fall hard. I hit my knee pretty good completing a great grass stain on the old khaki pants that make me look pregnant and fly-down all of the time anyway. Such a cuddly goodbye from that kid. Makes me nostalgic to have that closeness with somebody I care about. Hugging, touching, cuddling. That last was Robin. Must go to sleep. Lots of work to do tomorrow and Nicolas Austin is coming to town with Lee and Tony again! lots to paint. Got some beautiful colors tonight. Then ate a donut against my better judgement and reason at the Pleasure Dome.

9PM - Beau Animale next to Granger & James Spader. Maddy talks of the Cinemateque schedule and Cane Cambell right next to her watching her talk. He thinks she's beautiful. We talk of "Walkabout". The soundtrack, Nicolas Roeg's storytelling, visually. Maddy hasn't talked to Cane directly much all night. I wonder what he's thinking. Now they're, Granger and Maddy are doing their Werner Herzog impressions. James Spader talks a lot with Stan Holland. Guy on laptop  sits clearing away a basket of popcorn. I could listen to Granger tangent on about documentaries and oddities all day. I see Andy Wright is here. I should cough up 20 dollars for him. I owe him for the drum machine. Which I feel is becoming more and more worth it. I started working on a new song, used a programmed beat. The thing might be full. Probably from previous owner. But I like a lot of the patterns and they're pretty basic even. So many heads rested on fists rested on elbows. "No better test to weed them out then a noise show" said something of the like by Maddy. James Spader giving me his routine scowl. What would we be left with if we weren't arguing about something? About why I didn't care for Blade Runner, or why he thinks Stephen King can't finish books well. In defense I recap on sobbing at the end of "It" the book. And honestly the most interesting thing about Phillip K Dick I am aware of is that he claims to be haunted by his dead twin sister from the womb,. I've never read his books. But I read fewer and fewer fiction these days and sci-fi just doesn't interest me or hold my attention much. Tony hits switches, plugs in patches. This is a Rochelle Gonzales show. We walked in to lit candles. Nicolas Austin didn't make it. He was feeling sick. So it's just Tony with his solo noise. I'm feeling flushed I have to say Tony's "noise" is actually somewhat rhythmic. I can't believe I'd say so. I really miss some of those noise shows just for the times had with people mostly. All of these folks are split now. It seems like people are sadder all of the time. Or maybe Maddy is just more sad. I see her more than anybody No Jackie, little of Granger, no Brit Miller, little of Rochelle, no Zach Imbruglia, no Nacho House, little of Henry, No Jason. People and time will move. At least right now I have Maddy, James Spader, Marty, Carl, Jennifer, Jake, and Andy. And sometimes I see Granger. Even Granger is going by way of Path Cafe. Joining the train hopping kids.

March 5, 2012 Monday

Midnight - at Dianna's, Jake, Marty, Jennifer, me, Carl and Maddy 2nd time in a diner today where I feell ike I can't spend money. Rough. I feel like this is a bad idea until I get a paycheck from somebody. The dark eyeliner chick in the booth to the south of us says she loves sex, that it's the most important. We al can't watch things where pain is being inflicted on anybody. I want pie and things that are bad for me. "If you get mozzarella sticks, I'll get western potatoes." You're such a couple. Marty gets a strawberry milkshake. So does Carl. A couple. Complicated like Scattergories. Jake wants to pay for a 45 in quarters at Carl's record store. Carl is now rich working for Louis. Old Cleveland punker with a single dread. His whole head. Pays Carl to digitize old confidential bootleg records from his hay days, seek out information, research old speeches, lotsa stuff. It's Irish month so now we're talking about it. I'm a laughing stock of Scattergories because my entires are obscure. I get made fun of for "Peas" as "ethnic foods"...

I ordered the ketchup... thanks. I will enjoy Maddy's extra packet of maple syrup. The waitress use to stick her hands in "Goobers" as a kid. "Oh the things I used to do to that stuff as a kid" This chicky's the one. "Hey what's up, you guys doing good?" and not in a lesbian waitress at Applebee's kind of way.

March 4, 2012 Sunday

A Car honks out on the street. A moment in thought, what is going on out there? It's near 3AM and Marty just dropped off Maddy and I at home. We''d spent the last almost 4 hours watching 30 Rock back to back, before that "Ru-Paul's Drag Race", before that a trip to Giant Tiger where Maddy discovered her food stamps had not been replenished for the month and where I ate my usual sour cream donut without purchase. That's right. I flat out did not apply Free D with P. But <addy bought Morning Star biscuits and before that were jumping around in a Pete and Pete dumpster outside an upscale apartment building near "Cleveland Gray's Armory" looking for records and milk crates. Actually I don't think we were really looking for any of those things, the door to the dump was just open, becoming reason enough to investigate what was inside a mostly clean looking large dumpster. Boxes & trash bags of clothes, mattress and box spring. Marty and Carl were jumping all over so I hope they don't end up with bed bugs or anything. Carl found a Luther Vandross record, but as he heard what sounded like a pack of bros heading down the street, he force-ably flung it up and out into the air. It seemed like we were all frozen in time, looking into each others eyes, waiting for it to touch down somewhere. I thought it would be broken glass or a car alarm. But just a thud, and a moment later a confused "WHOA!" It was hard to stay so quiet. Then a lady's voice "What are yall doing in there?" as we booked it down the street, Marty milk crate in hand I found out it was a woman in an upstairs window. Good we left before cops were called or something, or before Maddy decided to keep that Mesh-fish-net-ty shirt. We could have been there a long time.

And before that we were at a Lake Erie Monsters "AHL" ice hockey game at the Q, Gund Arena. I've certainly never been to a hockey game in Cleveland. It took us a bit to get in actually. MArty had 2 free tickets but we discovered regular ticket prices were 25 each. 12.50 a piece that'd be. And everybody knows me as Mr. cheap skate right now so I couldn't do that. We walked about and found some scalpers who tried to sell us tickets for 20 a piece. Saying they're gonna charge for oxygen soon, that's scalper's language. In a passionate craze, Marty and Carl started trying to scalp tickets for cheaper to compete. We ended crossing the street feeling defeated, but one of the dudes chased us down and all of the sudden, we have tickets and we're booking it for the arena enterence. It takes me eons to get them to admit they paid 10 each. Guilty about it I split cost on a 6 dollar endless bucket of popcorn. One that mad my teeth aching by the end of the game. We grabbed seats and stuck ourselves in the path of a spilt beer/ They had dudes dressed as the Hanson brothers from "Slapshot" scooping/cleaning up the ice. Taped glasses and mullets. Marty gets a kick making fun of number 15 for the Charlotte Checkets team who falls standing in one place for no reason. "You fell for no reason!" "Hey number 15, why don't you fall again?!" It's called a "Flop" we are informed. During the Monsters few scores we're up on our feet screaming, throwing popcorn in the air, the two teenage boys behind us are cheering hysterically trying to catch our popcorn. Marty snatches the bucket and throws a huge handful i the air. In front of us sits some suburban family. 2 young sons just having a good time, their mom, artificially tanned, dark, flat ironed hair with a muffin top. They're all in Brown's jerseys. Dad, bad buzzed-ish hair we learn is a car salesman. He looked like one. But this guy is just giving us this death-stare as if we'd been shoving popcorn down his precious kids's throat. Marty leans behind Maddy telling me he can't look at him with this smile on his face, tail between his legs. It's a great us against them moment. And this ridiculous buzzed dad just keeps on starring it's intense, he's not even watching the game. But our defining moment arrives when the first shot in a jumbotron audience montage gets Carl, Marty and Mervin the puppet. I see it immediately and start screaming, it's great. And that ain't all. The kids behind us are so excited as Carl screams and hugs them both. "WE DID IT!"High fives and happiness. But again, this time a close shot of Mervin with those teen boys in the back and we're going Ape-shit! Tonic water is flying, Marty and Carl aren't even in the shot, but Marty pops up in the screen as some kind of elevator and sticks his head right in Mervin's mouth. Total "kiss-kam"! Everyone's cheering and I want to kiss somebody, I feel like I'm in an Adam Sandler movie. At the very end everyone's hugging. I'm high-five-ing the teen boys with their dad. IT's beautiful amongst all of this popcorn-throwing-angsty-chaos-drinking sips of tonic water that tastes like your used dental floss, or ... a homeless man's breath. WOOF! I have a crush on my friends! I love these guys!

March 3, 2012 Saturday

11:30AM - Wake up a lump. My sleeping in, am I wasting so much time? I had in my head to go to the station today and participate in record refiling but it's so windy, I'm not sure anymore. I guess it's easy to feel discouraged through when you just wake up. I'm making coffee and sitting in the kitchen and the 1 dollar I tried not to spend last night, I did on a coke at Tinas. Lots of singers. Marty, Carl, Andy, Jake, and I danced a lot, mostly in accompaniment to others karaoke time. I even removed my shoes. But still I shouldn't have spent that dollar.

I woke up after this really weird dream. I was in San Francisco but it looked nothing like it, It was night time and still any fan of my band in Cleveland was floating about. But later. I was taking their rail and kept ending up at the top of this one building, an old building where the door to the stop was a weird stone slab that would just de-materialize at the push of a button for you to get through. It was on this top floor and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust or ash. I figure I kept going back up this place that was deserted, though I don't know why. Things about it kept hanging. It was on a rooftop and doors would all of the sudden become inaccessible and one of these times the doors to the rail like some Jedi technology was no longer in service, The button wouldn't work. I was somewhat terrorfied thinkin I was trapped there, sealed in. the place had been abandonded so long, they finally shut down the stop everything was grey and I walked around in despair but all the sudden, light and the place was spik & span and some guy was showing around a small group of young adults who wanted to rent the place. The kitchen was all neat and modern, dark caramelly wood and black. But what comes to my attention and he acknowledges me is that one of the folk is Elijah under a wig. And he's laughing to me and owe are surprised to see each other. And I'm relieved because I'm not trapped. I don't know why he's in disguise but the place grows dark again from the spot by the rail door and my band is supposed to be playing this show to be recorded on this rooftop place. I'm alone by the rail door and in this corner where the ceiling gets lower there are rafters and such I find Sam. He's hung himself. And I feel like I've seen this before, found him like this before, but this time it's it and he's dead. He's killed himself and this becomes this whole tragic theme of our show. Sam is dead and gone and none of us knows what to do. The room is full of Cleveland people and color. I walk about so upset and traumatized after finding him. Alan and Hank call in some friend with white hair in a pony tail from another band who can sit in. I'm on the phone with Rachel Dratch, that old SNL comedian who is just more funny looking than funny. I don't know why. She lives with Gio and I'm trying to meet up with her but she's too cheap for the rail fare and keeps getting mad, but the band starts up. I have to hang up on her and probably look like a dipshit for being on my phone. I can barely hear the mic, What I do is end up turning it off so I can turn it back on. There is still mourning in the air and people sit about sad. I am getting in and out of a swimming pool telling Rachel Dratch to just forget it and we'll see each other next time, and she thinks I have a lover I'm with. Back in the performance room Sam's ghost shows up and people are asking him all kinds of questions. How does it feel and all. He says it feels great, he's super spaced out too. And then his ghost tries to buy weed off of somebody and everybody is in awe that you can still smoke weed when you're a ghost. Okay and then I'm a kid with my friends asking parents if we can run off to other tents at a carnival. Maybe because I watched an episode of the Babysitters Club on VHS before I went to bed. Doesn't explain to Sam's suicide though. It did make me want floral leggings, Head-And-Shoulders-shampoo-hair (That Maddy has recently bought because supposedly it's good for Bacne) and little Danny Tamberelli. I daydream that maybe Jackie looked a little like little cute orange-haired Danny when he was little, before he was breaking hearts and making
records.